Find Your Superpower

What’s your super power? Well I’ll tell you a story about mine…. A while ago my sister had a gene test come back as an abnormal mutation, and as soon as I heard this my brain jumped to the X-men who are all ‘mutants’ with super powers caused by mutated genes. I mentioned it to my doctors (not the x-men bit) at the Behcets Centre and they tested me and unsurprisingly it came back as positive too (TNFRSF1A variant R92Q incase your interested, it’s sometimes associated with TRAPS and MS neither of which I have). Since then we’ve been joking about what our  super power may be, I have ask my doctors when the power is going to appear, we’re all still waiting patiently whilst they look bemused. But it has got me thinking about how recently people with disabilities have been represented as superheroes and what the impact of that is.

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Image from http://superheroseries.co.uk/ who  are ‘the UK’s one and only disability sports series for the Everyday Superhero!’

There’s been a big change in the way people with disabilities have been seen in recent years. The Paralympics in London 2012 showed us athletes who were able to do everything despite having faced illness, accidents or birth defects etc (see Channel 4’s Advert Meet the Super Humans, it still gives me all the feels). Even the popular tv chat show, The Last Leg, sprung up from the games with 2/3 of the hosts having prosthetics. It championed disability and difference through comedy and sport. It’s still broadcasting in the prime Friday night spot over 6 years on (though it has sadly has moved away from its original roots of disability visibility and rights). With its triumphant music, Public Enemy’s Harder Than You May Think, reporting of the games it thrust people with disability into the mainstream as Superhuman, the true X-men.

One of the show’s prominent features is its hashtag #isitok and is used to ask is it ok that… type questions about current issues. In the beginning these were disability related such as.

 

But here’s where I want to ask my own question. #isitok to be disabled and not be a superhuman? #isitok to sometimes be weak and fall apart? #isitok to just be a normal everyday person?

Am I a superhero or a super victim?

Being chronically ill means that I often find myself sometimes being a little bit super hero and sometimes being a little bit the victim, but mostly a real person thats none of these.

I am very aware that people think I’m always winging about being ill or broken or in pain and its true (theres another post coming on this soon). The fact that the constant pain is held in 90% of the time is a feat of superhuman strength that you don’t see. BUT there’s points at which I reach crisis and fall apart and these are my ‘victim’ moments. These points usually come at times when everything reaches a peak pain levels, or I have fought so hard with benefits and housing and come across another stumbling block. At these times everything falls apart and I don’t want to be strong. This is the time that people offer words of support and point out how string I am the rest of the time, how i’m superhuman.

Most of the words about being strong come from others as words of support. I completely hear when someone is saying you are so strong and it is a compliment. It does boost my self esteem because it acknowledges that 90% of the time that my mouth is shut and fighting the pain, or the loss of my life as I knew it. But I’m going to say this because its the truth, not because I want to offend people: at the same time as it being a compliment it is also a burden. I don’t want to always be the hero of this story.

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Sometimes it would be nice to crumble and for that to be ok. To fall apart and someone else play the hero. Sometimes I’m tired beyond tired. The pain has worn me down to the point I can’t live with it anymore. The system of benefits has broken me and I don’t want to feel like a criminal for asking for help from the state that I’ve paid into my whole life so far. I don’t want to hear ‘stay strong’ when I can’t see an end to the housing crisis I’m in. I don’t want to hear this will change when 2 and a half years is my limit and I’m saying its gone on too long. I just want to fall apart and that be ok.

The pressure to perform

So I think you get that living with a disability isn’t fun and we to be honest we are not always feeling superhuman. We are ordinary people and like everyone some like playing sport and others don’t, a small minority will be athletes. The risk of presenting people as superhuman when they compete with a disability means that the rest of us that don’t are not doing enough to help ourselves. To be honest I hate playing sport, especially those played on the olympics (I do love watching them though). This is probably because I’ve been hyper-mobile my whole life and sport really hurts! But it’s just not in me to do it. Does that mean that I am a failure even at disability?

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Invisible illness and sport

When I look at the Paralympics I do also want to ask is it also ok to ask why invisible disabilities are not included in the games? In fact we are rarely represented at all on screen or even as disabled people. How, with fatigue, can we train and practice to compete? How with joints that dislocate can we complete in running, leaping and jumping? How with fluid in our joints and excruciating pain can we whizz round a basketball court or hit a volley ball on the beach. I think all this highlights is that the disabled community itself still hasn’t accepted chronic illness and invisible illness fully. So I’ve asked myself what sport could we compete in? Where are the events for napping, getting dressed, walking the dog? Because sometimes just daily activity is our superhuman feat: that getting out of bed in the morning is like flying to the moon and back.

I’m going to finish this post with an anecdote from a close friend who has narcolepsy (she’d be my competitor on the napping event for sure). She once asked me ‘If you could lose your legs or have a chronic illness which would you choose?’ And my answer in a flash was lose my legs, and she said she had answered the same in a conversation with her husband. It in no way comes from a place of saying losing your legs isn’t life changing and devastating, because it is. But it comes from a place of certainty and being able to adapt. With losing my legs I would learn what I can and can’t do and work with this. My capability wouldn’t change so drastically from day to day, but be a constant thing I could learn around. It wouldn’t be easy but I’d still have my health and energy. I could work towards something like the Paralympics.

Syndromes like Narcolepsy, Behcets, Auto-immune, Fibromyalgia. Lupus, RA, EDS etc. don’t allow for this. They are tricky because its like flu everyday and its unpredictable. They rob your life in a different way. In addition to this the symptoms are often not seen by others so completely misunderstood. You don’t see that under my clothes my joints are hot, full of fluid and dislocating. That I have sores that burn and ache. That at the beginning of the day I can’t walk properly for 3 hours or that at the end I’m moaning in bed from pain of the day. That my biggest spend this Christmas was on eco incontinence pads. That the fear of running our of painkillers produces panic. That I’m tied to medication and its a constant worry. That my diagnosis is permanent, incurable and my life changed forever.

The Paralympics 2012 began to change the world’s view on disability and watching that superhuman advert still fills me with awe. But it is only the beginning. The fight doesn’t stop here. I know that I am not represented by these athletes but I know they’ve opened a gateway into acceptance. That those few people competing have changed the view on what disability means. But most importantly they’ve made disability visible. The next steps are to make ALL disability visible. But to do this in a way that recognises that superhuman means coping with the everyday. I got up and wrote today, no one will give me a medal for that. But I am happy that I’ve achieved this.

I am a superhero of napping, baking, gardening and making. My superpower is creativity. I’ve often been encouraged to apply for the Great British Bake Off but I know I couldn’t because of my disability. I was so encouraged to see Bryony this year compete and that her disability wasn’t drawn attention too, she was a competitor, that was it. I would love to work with producers to find a way for this dream to happen but I just don’t know how it would work.

I found my superpower because it is my everyday and my drive. Everyone has their own too you just have to dig to find it. I also know is it is ok to be strong and also sometimes weak.  It is this that makes the best super hero story, the ones we love are the ones that are human and mess up. We are all super human, some are just a little more tired and achey, but we are just us.

Whats your superpower?

Welcome and a new direction

Hello to anyone new to this space and to those who have followed for a while. If you follow me over on Instagram (where to be honest I feel most active because of the community) you will see that I’ve created a new account @theresawolfatmydoor that is separate from my personal account @spoon.moon.wolf.

There’s A Wolf At My Door is an image that has sat well with me from the beginning of writing this blog. I describe living with chronic illness like living with a wolf constantly at your door. She is the uninvited villain (from fairytales) who creates disruption and havoc. She often stops you leaving the house and if you fight her you are left wounded and scarred. She takes on many forms: physical, mental, social and political. She doesn’t just affect one person but often the whole household she visits. She creates #SpoonieProblems such as loss of mobility, low energy, loss of income and insolvency, weight gain, prejudice and homelessness. Many metaphors have been used to describe these from very similar analogies such as Churchill’s ‘black dog‘ in mental health, to counting spoons (Spoon Theory) when managing fatigue.

The Wolf

I found the wolf because I was initially misdiagnosed with Lupus and as the name Lupus is derived from the wolf. For over ten years I worked as a storyteller and felt connected to the wolf as the villain in stories (there’s a great article on wolf stories here). The wolf is that sinister nighttime creature of terror. It howls at the moon, hunts in packs and on occasion is known to eat humans and pigs! Most of us have heard of the Big Bad Wolf. I feel that living with chronic illness is just like being a Little Pig or Red Riding Hood, it’s living with a threat constantly there.

When I began this blog I started by writing to the wolf and documenting how she was affecting me. I felt like the more I tried to shut the door on her, the more she knocked, and the more she fought to get in. Every time I’d fight her I’d be left with battle scars such as crumbling knees and swollen joints. Ignoring her presence and getting on with my life inside my house meant she just got bigger and smarter. She was the unwelcome visiter who didn’t just affect me but also those around me. The wolf is all encompassing; she prevented me leaving the house and working or having a social life, she gets inside my head and muddles my thinking and increases anxiety, she puts pressure on those I live with and she steals my money and time. She is always lurking and I never know when she will knock. So after a while I began to acknowledge the wolf and let her in. To accept that when she visits I need to stop and slow down and try to feel less guilt. To even appreciate that the wolf isn’t all bad but maybe can bring some good.

So over on my personal account @spoon.moon.wolf I shall stay with stories about me and about my daily life, slow living and creative adventures. The new account @TheresAWolfAtMyDoor is growing into something more. It is becoming a community for those who live with wolves, those who have become #thewolfpack. It will be a place in which we can share what our lives are like when they are shared with a wolf.

So here is my vision:

The Gift of Slow

The wolf is a creature of nature, she rolls with the seasons and appreciates a simple life. Living with her means that I move with her rhythms (listening to my body and how it is responding to the wolf). It’s a life stripped back to its basics: good food, low impact, creativity, frugal and secure living. Nothing can be hurried and we can’t multitask. We listen to our bodies and rhythms and find our own pace. For me this is doing tasks but allowing them to take a longer than usual time. Like creative projects that span a year, and that is ok. Or gardening a little at a time in a manageable way. Or creating thoughtful meals from scratch that nourish and heal. I found that by the wolf stealing my energy she gave me the gift of ‘enforced slow living’. I want my accounts to share my learning and slow living ideas with you and to include the wisdom of other who feel the same way.

So right now if you are local you can join in with ‘The Spoonie Sessions’ which is a monthly meet up group in Canterbury, Kent. The meet up will focus on small creative projects and discussion. There’s info on this here. I’m looking into developing retreat days too.

Coming soon are weekly blog posts about ‘Wolfpack’ issues, and creative and slow living adapted mini activities and projects. These will capture the essence of what I have described above.

In the pipeline (to happen later this year) there will be a more in-depth newsletter that I am working to produce with collaborators. These monthly curated collections will put slow living, sustainable, creative activities in one place and drop them straight into your email box. So watch this space! If you can’t wait and want a 50% discount then you can sign up to be the first to receive a copy when it launches in the Summer.

The Wolf Inside

For me finding out I have an incurable chronic illness was devastating. To be honest even though I’m told to stop I still cannot fully accept that this is the way it is. This, along with losing my housing, company and relationship etc. meant that I fell apart. Despite coming close I’ve never given up and through tenacity, and resilience, and the support of others found a way to live with the wolf. As much as I don’t like being told I am always strong I know that most of the time I am. Going through these trials makes you realise that the wolf isn’t always on the outside of us but we have a fierce, brave and occasionally grumpy beast inside. I don’t think I am different to anyone else, I’ve just been asked to prove it.

To honour those who live with wolves I am launching my podcast in the Spring. This podcast will be fortnightly interviews with other ‘spoonies’ to talk through their stories of triumph and adversity when  with living with a wolf. The making of this can also be supported on my Patreon.


The Wolf Pack

The last and most precious gift is finding that I am part of a wolf pack. Becoming part of the community of spoonies on Instagram has been the most rewarding and supportive thing that has got me through some difficult times. Being one of many allows you to share commonalities, to fight discrimination and ableism and to get advice.

My vision is that Theres A Wolf At My Door in all of it’s formats is a safe and non judgemental space in which people can explore their experiences of living with a wolf. It is not a place of comparison but a place of support and advocacy. It’s a place in which we can creatively explore what being in a wolf pack means.

So I hope you’ll join me on this new adventure. Please let me know if you would like to collaborate or contribute.

In the meantime all of this is being done for free. If you would like to contribute to the running costs (domain and blog costs, podcasting equipment and hosting, camera and editing software, or a cup of coffee for me then please donate via my Patreon)

Weather Changes and Autumn as a Spoonie

Welcome Autumn and my favourite time of the year. I adore September and October with their golden afternoons, the abundance of foods, and the cosier evenings. I don’t know about you but I don’t fair well in the heat, it exhausts me and the sun irritates my skin. Neither do I do well in the cold and damp, it makes my joints ache and my mood dip. Autumn, however, seems perfect. I love a crisp but sunny morning, or an afternoon wrapped up warm for a gentle walk.  But something else happens in Autumn that leaves us spoonies floored and I’m not sure quite what it is. I’ve thought through a few of my theories here to try and come up with a Spoonie’s Guide to Autumn.

Weather Changes

So every time a season changes we find ourselves having to adapt. I find at these changing points I’m forever saying ‘we’re just not used to this heat/ cold/ darker nights/ humidity/ damp’ (the list goes on). Yes us Brits like to talk/ moan incessantly about the weather, but I’m sure there’s more to it, especially for us hypersensitive beings. And it seems there is actually proof of this.

Auto Immune I remember my clinic lead, Professor Fortune, telling me that changes in season affect bodies on a cellular level and it seems there is some proof. The BBC has a couple of brilliant articles on this. The first looks at facts behind the myths such as:

  • Rain gives you rheumatism – the answer is maybe but theres no conclusive evidence, its more likely power of the mind.
  • Falling air pressure is a pain in the head – I’m migraine queen aka the human barometer so I swear this is true and one study from Japan seems to suggest its true

The second article is much more focused on an in depth study on how temperature change affects our genes and immunology. In brief an international team of researchers conducted a study, funded by the Wellcome Trust and the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation to look at how this happens. They “found genes involved with immunity – the body’s defence against infection – were more active in cold months. And while this helps fight off viruses such as flu, it may trigger or worsen conditions, such as arthritis, where the body attacks itself, they say.” 

The study examined how this happens on a genetic level and found that when looking at genes “a quarter showed clear signs of seasonal variation”. The genes that were of most interest included ones associated with immunity and inflammation. Interestingly it wasn’t the degree of cold that was initiating the changes but the temperature changes themselves as ‘During cold, winter months – December to February for people living north of the equator and June to August for those in the southern hemisphere – these genes were more active. When they studied people living close to the equator, where the temperatures are fairly high all year round, they noticed a different pattern. Immunity and inflammation was linked to the rainy season, when diseases such as malaria are more rife.” A change is temperature is all that is needed to trigger flare ups as it directly affect the cells and ‘that increase in inflammation could now be a risk factor for diseases of modern life’ Prof John Todd, Study author. Big stuff hey?

Viruses and other factors are also linked to an increase in symptoms and flare ups for Spoonies. Many reasons have been given to why this season is prime cold and flu season. Maybe it is because we stay indoors more, have more close contact with each other or beginning of university and schools terms mean more people mixing. One thing is for certain and thats for those, like me, who take immuno-suppressants the exposure to viruses, infection and bacteria is a headache all in itself. Immuno-suppresants mean that, surprise surprise, our immune systems are suppressed and do not work as well in fighting things off. So don’t be offended if you have a cold and I  instantly grab for the hand gel. Getting a cold or virus also can trigger a flare up, even if we don’t fully develop the original cold. I get far less colds than other people but my body knows if I’ve come into contact with one. Unfortunately my immune system just cannot tell the difference between the things its supposed to be attacking and my own body. At the recent Behçets Syndrome Society conference in Bristol, Professor Fortune said that she has a date in October circled on the calendar every year for when they have to open up loads of emergency appointment slots as so many of us flare.

So how can we deal with all of this? My answer is be prepared as you can and a little acceptance.

The Nature Communications study above concluded that as well as a genetic change “diseases and other factors, such as nutrition and stress, could affect how genes function.” So lets build some of these into the survival guide.

How to embrace and survive Autumn

Autumn Activities – Try some of these spoonie friendly adventures to help with wellbeing

  1. Get outdoors. Take a visit to somewhere you can take in all the beauty of nature and how dramatically its changing at this time of year. Do what you can, you don’t have to hike for miles across farmland and forests to appreciate the changing landscape. You could take a car ride, visit a city park or sit in the last of the warm sunny days in your garden. Boosting vitamin d levels at this time of year can really help with the impending winter blues too.
  2. Get crafty. There are so many things that are nice to make as we want to spend more time being cosy indoors.
    • This month I am making a wonderful leaf garland, inspired by Hannah at Seeds and Stitches
    • I am embroidering fabrics in preparation for Christmas presents. If you are like me and like to hand make your Christmas presents, start now so you don’t put pressure on yourself.
  3. Get Cosy and warm and hermit without guilt. Get out blankets and hot water bottles ready for colder evenings. Give them a wash and some care before they do into their full winter sofa bound days. Enjoy activities that are away from screens (save those Netflix binges for sick days). Non screen time is much better for you and there are things that can occupy you. I’ve just found a new love for jigsaw puzzles!
  4. An Autumn Feast – Wow there’s food aplenty at this time of year, especially after a long hot summer, heres how to make the most of it. Enjoy homegrown fruits and vegetables. If you’re like me and have a garden then at the moment you’re probably overrun by crops such as tomatoes. When I’ve had the energy I have been picking them in droves and jarring them as passata. A basic recipe can be found here and its easily adapted to include herbs and spices you’ve grown too.
    1. Get to a local food festival and treat yourself to something scrummy. Food festivals re great at finding a huge variety of foods and you’re more likely to come across diet friendly snacks too. Ive been to two in the past three weeks including a chilli festival!
    2. Go on a forage. From September onwards, you can pick a huge amount for free from forests and hedgerows. Pick fruits such as elderberries, blackberries, rose hips and more. I turned my elders into a vitamin c boost spiced syrup and my hips and chillies into a spiced jelly. Theres also other treasures to be found like sloes, bullaces, crab apples, cob nuts, sweet chestnuts, mushrooms and fungi… just remember to only harvest them if you are 100% sure you know what they are!

Autumn is transition, change and drama. In slow living it’s the time to prepare for what’s ahead. Don’t rush it, save your spoons, enjoy the beauty and prepare for the winter ahead.

To find out more about things mentioned in this post visit…

Spoonie Solutions

Hands up who has #spoonie problems? Me too, I probably whine about them a lot. You’ll know this if you follow my ig stories! So what’s this #spooniesolutions all about? Well it’s turning the hashtag #spoonieproblems on it’s head. Before you cry in protest its not because the problems are not valid, quite the opposite in fact. They matter so much, and need to be highlighted. #spooniesolutions is all about identifying the problems and shouting about them. Then I want to attempt to discover some answers.

This all came about after a combination of discussions, and a personal review of my blog and Instagram. I had a big appointment recently in which I found that, as expected, I have an area of hyperperfusion in my brain. In the appointment I took it in my stride, but as the results sank in I felt very upset. Part of me wanted to jump for joy that I have a positive (as in something showing up not a feel good) result, and part of me was scared and in shock. It explains a lot including migraine, and serious mental health issues, confusion and fatigue. But it broke my heart to think that it is active in the blood vessels in my brain. For my own sanity I had to recognise my upset (spoonie problem) but find a way to deal with it (spoonie solution). For the first week I cried and it still makes me cry now. But I am getting there.

I’m in a position now in which I can reflect on how I’ve survived through the past few years. Yes that’s dramatic but it has been survival. I can hand on heart say that it’s been through living life slowly and taking time to nurture myself by being creative and living a more simple life. I want the solutions to #spoonieproblems to reflect this but also offer a range of approaches that I hope will be useful to me and anyone else that is out there and reading. They’ll include practical advice, campaigning for change, and most importantly opening up the issue for discussion.

As a veteran spoonie I feel qualified to address the issues from an insider’s perspective. But to ensure that the solutions given are thorough and actually useful I will be consulting with other spoonies via the comments here, Instagram and in real life. I will also include resources from medical practitioners, other websites (such as The Mighty), apps (such as HealthUnlocked) and relevant organisations.

I have a few solution guides planned including travel and holidays (vacations), everyday travel, work and benefits, and hobbies. All of these will include parts of my personal story and anecdotes. But I will approach how to deal with them by being creative and living slow.

Please don’t be shy, I’d love to help your share your story and looked at spoonie problems together. Let me know in the comments, via social media or email.

Look forward to hearing from you…

Diagnosis Murder Part 1

Well I’ve attempted to write this a few times and failed. In the past I’ve been given labels and written about them. And in reality my diagnosis is still fluid and ongoing.

It’s mostly described as a list of symptoms with a few anecdotes/ short stories thrown in for goo measure. I’ll start all the way back in the beginning… take a deep breath and grab a comfy seat, it’s a long one.

The early days

When I was younger I used to have bouts of severe stomach aches, and vomiting. I remember my first one so clearly. As a birthday treat my mum and dad had taken me to London to see ‘Joseph and His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat’. Any 80s child, and closet Jason Donavon fan, will remember the song that was at number one for like forever (sorry if it’s now in your head t… any dream will do…). We were too late to see Jason but starring in it was Philip Schofield of the broom cupboard fame. If you’re too young to get the references then you really missed out. I vaguely remember the show and the t-shirt I got a treasured (until my sister pinched it and vommed all over it whilst travel sick). What really sticks out though is the insane stomach ache I had after the show. We had gone to get pizza and I spent the whole time in the toilet unable to hold anything down.

And so it continued from that point and happened anywhere and everywhere. Always coming on super fast and the most painful thing ever. All the attacks were attributed to an almost ten year grumbling appendix. In reality I think they were Abdominal Migrainesthat were mentioned at the time but not really explored. This was the appearance of my first condition, Chronic Migraine.

Head and occasional abdominal migraines are with me to this day. And no they are not just headaches but they are completely dibilitating and so painful you wonder whether you can cope (if someone gave you a shotgun you’d probably pull the trigger). I have ended up in hospital with mine and take meds daily to stop them. In the last 3 months I have had 5 major attacks each lasting from 7 to 24 hours. Sometimes they cluster and sometimes they don’t. They have a significant affect on my life as are so sudden and viscous. They stop me functioning completely. I’ve tried multiple medications including Propranolol (worked a little bit) and Pizotifen (worked a lot but caused massive weight gain) and my current medication Sodium Valproate ( I have it under review). I also find that sumatriptan is the best medication to use when they start. My latest one has lasted 6 days and although I’ve managed to carry on functioning throughout and stave off the big blow out. It’s been painful I’ve lost my appetite and sleep.

Teens

At 17 I had an enormous attack of stomach pain and migraine. I was supposed to be painting the set of a play and ended up rolling around on the floor cloth in agony, I saw the school nurse and begged to just go home. Looking back I was so used to self managing these attacks that I was convincing to others that I was better than I was. (I still do this now, so if you ever do see me asking for an ambulance, I really need it.) On this occasion the School Nurse must have got me a cab home or something. All I remember was the next couple of days wanting to die from the pain. At some point a GP came out to me and when I wouldn’t let her touch me because of the pain she told me I was being a silly little girl. She gave me pethidine and anti sickness and told me I’d sleep for ages then be ok. I woke up twenty minutes after she left and was back in exactly same pain and vomiting. Eventually I was only bringing up pure black liquid (sorry) and had a circular bruise on my forehead where I’d passed out on a bucket and was still being sick. Eventually another GP came and said it was classic appendicitis. I went off to hospital and had my appendix out.

As a side note, the not being believed by doctors, the self managing of the attacks, misdiagnoses. Plus falling behind at school and teachers thinking I didn’t care has had a huge affect on my mental health and self esteem. In particular feeling as though I had failed and feeling guilt for being ill, or though I was using it as an excuse, is still with me now and it hurts to write it. I remember one of the drama teachers, who was involved in the play I mentioned above, pulling me aside and asking me if I should be doing drama! All because I’d missed the play whilst in hospital and hadn’t finished the floor cloth I was writhing on. Despite getting an ‘a’ in that course, completing a degree, and running a successful theatre company for ten years, I still ask myself the same question and it cuts really deep.

After my appendectomy (still don’t know if it was appendicitis or migraine) at 17 I kept getting flu like symptoms. I had constant fatigue and joint pains. It went on for weeks and weeks, then into months. At the time it was attributed to a glandular fever like virus that my body couldn’t fight off. I dropped back a year in sixth form and began the pattern of doing things at my pace. I couldn’t focus in lessons and would fall asleep on my desk despite fighting it. Interestingly at a similar time my sister was diagnosed with Juvenille Arthritus, and what I didn’t know till later was my mum was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis. I think this episode was either my autoimmune trigger or the first signs of activity. Multiple blood tests at the time showed positive ANA and white blood cell activity but it was never explored further.

Also from about 15 years old I began to struggle with mental health. At this time it was suggested I had Anxiety and Depression. By the time I went to University at 19 this was really affecting my life and I asked for counselling etc from my GP. By the time I was in my 4th year of university I was having an extremely difficult time personally, with my degree and at home. All of these contributed to a series of severe panic attacks. These were medicated and I just got on with it.

University

Fast forward a couple of years and I wasn’t coping physically at all. Firstly I constantly had the flu and couldn’t function. I worked really hard and just found ways of coping with feeling so ill. I went to the doctors and was told I was ‘unlucky’ to have had flu nearly every month. This was the biggest insult and I just couldn’t cope. I couldn’t get a full time job but built up my self employed work. This meant I was self managing whatever was going on in my body. I could work around the illness by ploughing on with everything I had when in a good patch and hiding when I couldn’t. This managed everything on the surface but in reality I was chasing my own tail constantly. Friends and others constantly commented on how often I was ill, other less kind comments urged me to just suck it up and stop moaning. I remember having conversations with people saying I think I’m going mad but something in my body is really wrong. I still felt like a fraud and the burden of guilt.

In 2005 I began to get severe chest pains. They were so bad I couldn’t use my arms or breathe. The pain was unbearable. My first reaction was that there was something wrong with my heart so I went to my GP. They thought it was either muscular or even anxiety and sent me away with pain killers. But it kept happening in cycles and I could feel the attacks coming. I saw multiple physios who mostly made it worse through their exercises. Eventually I saw a brilliant physio who wrote back to my doctor. She had seen me for a long time and recognised a number of symptoms pointing to something more than a mechanical problem. My trigger points were wide spread and with the other symptoms she thought that maybe it was fibromyalgia. She wrote a long and thorough report for my GP that took into all my symptoms such as fatigue, confusion, dispraxia, flu like symtoms, migraine etc. I returned to my GP who called in a senior partner and they decided together that this was something more. For the very first time I was being listened to and this GP stayed with me through a lot of the next bits.

Adulting

So I finally got referred to a rheumatologist and felt like everything would finally into place. I was finally being listened to and it was recognised that something was wrong. Within seconds of the rheumatologist walking into the room I was crushed. Before even meeting me or talking to me he looked at one set of bloods and announced ‘it’s not lupus, it’s not RA’. Only then did he examine me or ask any questions. But he never really looked or listened. He avoided eye contact with me, choosing instead to stare into his computer screen. I can honestly say I’ve never met a colder or more inhuman person in my life. By the time he abruptly said ‘you can go now’ I was more confused than ever and in tears. I began to walk out as the nurse barked ‘go get your bloods’. ‘What bloods?’ I said as I broke down completely. Then she explained everything the doctor should have done, and that he was a good doctor despite his bedside manner. I don’t think he was a good doctor and triggered lots of mental health issues. Later I got a mystery letter in the post summoning me to a full upper body MRI and physio. Apparently all ordered by the rheumatologist, I didn’t have a clue what was going on. Nor did the physio it seems. I was dumped in a cubicle with a trainee who took one look at me and said ‘I can’t treat you you need someone more senior’. They’d be in contact,  they weren’t.

The next letter I got was summoning me to hydrotherapy. Amazing I thought something practical I could do to help myself. But this was not the case either. The therapists didn’t know why I was there and asked which physio I’d seen, I never had had a proper appointment with any. So they offered me sessions which I tried. The result was cancelling after three seasons as I was in so much pain I couldn’t breathe, move or sleep. My GP wrote a letter of complaint, I was so let down and felt toutured by the treatement both physically and mentally. Again I thought I was going mad, but this time my GP was behind me and persisted. I finally had someone fighting my corner.

So letters of complaint were written and I chose my next rheumatologist at a different hospital. I decided to give it another go and this time couldn’t have been more different. He listened carefully to my history and family history. He said he thought something auto immune like was going on. The first thing he diagnosed me with, however, was Joint Hypermobility Syndrome. This explained a lot of the chest pains I’d been having, as well as other symptoms in most people hypermobility isn’t a problem but with overlapping symptoms it was reeking havoc with my joints, connective tissue and pain. I was finally referred to a specialist physio who confirmed all the previous physio I had received was more damaging than good. I still see her now and she is part of my ‘magic team’ of experts. Without all the sessions I’ve had with her, including ultrasounds and acupuncture, I wouldn’t be able to move half as well as I can today.

To be continued…

Lets rest here for now because I’m tired physically from writing this and mentally from going through it all. I hope this begins to explain to others the extent of what’s going on. But mostly its been a hugely useful process for me to go through it all chronologically and to realise why some of my behaviours and blocks towards the system are there.

Next up in part two, my thirties…

How to make plastic bottle planter | Gardening on a budget

Since my life style change, including being unable to work, and being ‘on benefits’ I have been forced to slow down and re-evaluate spending and consumerism. Yes it’s a challenge, but I have made some delightful discoveries along the way. I’ve always enjoyed gardening and growing my own vegetables and plants. In fact my plant addiction is a little out of control. But I’ve got to the point where I don’t have the money to spend on a lavish garden or a house full of the latest plants. I also want to make the garden work for me and feed me.

Being creative, and little bit crafty, I’ve managed to garden this year on a minuscule budget. Most of this has been by refusing to buy new accessories and tools for the garden such as pots, propagators and netting. Instead I’ve decided to make my own using what most people would class as rubbish. This has tied nicely with my war on waste ( you can read about it here), and has forced me to recycle things from around the house in order to grow my plants.

My first tutorial ( I’m going to attempt a series) is how to make a plastic planter from an old bottle. For those who don’t know this is EarthDay, a day dedicated to making us aware of environmental issues and care for our planet. This year, like we have seen in many parts of the media, the focus is on the war on plastic. So I’ve made for you a guide on how to make recycled bottle planters. The tutorial is for a basic hanging planter but you can make variations to suit your needs.

Instructions for a recycled plastic bottle planter

You will need: A plastic bottle, scissors and string or wool

In addition to this you could also use lollipop sticks as labels, pretty tape to decorate the bottles, a , pokey stick to help make holes, and a craft knife if you prefer cutting this way.

Oh and don’t forget your need some soil and some seeds or seedlings.

Step one Remove any labels, so far these are usually not recyclable, boo! Draw a line around the circumference of the bottle about halfway down. Then draw a tab coming out of the line so this will become your hanger.

Step two Cut around line until you get to the tap and then cut out so it becomes all part of the lower part of the bottle. Then separate the two halves.

Step three With the cap still on the bottle carefully push your scissors or pokey all through the bottle cap to make a hole big enough for the string. Then thread your string through the hole you have just made so half is on the inside of the bottle and half is on the outside. Tie a knot so the string can’t pull all the way through the cap. You will also need to make a hole in the tab if you want to hang your planter by using string.

Step four Put some water into the bottom half of the bottle. Turn the top of the bottle upside down and placed into the base with the cap facing down so the string on the outside dips into the water.

Step five Fill the upturned bottle top with soil and plant your seeds or seedlings.

Step six Thread string through the tab to hang your planter. Alternatively you could staple the tab to a fence or shed. Now the plant pot is finished keep it in a sunny place.

The plant pot is self watering as the string soaks up water the plant needs just like roots would. You just have to keep an eye that there is water in the bottom half of the bottle and top it up as needed.

Variations

  • Add another half cut bottle to the top to make a minute to greenhouse. When you do this the bottles become their own microclimates.
  • As the bottom is flat and so should stand up if you want use the planter on a tabletop or windowsill.
  • I decided to decorate some of mine using Washi Tape to make them more colourful.

These are so simple to make and you can make them with children, as long as you supervise the use of scissors and a sharp knife. I made a ton of these as plastic bottles seem to be in abundance and they’ve worked perfectly for growing peas broad beans and sweet peas. I’m also trying out some ginger root, turmeric root and lemon seeds see if they will grow too.

I’ve made a handy printout sheet that shows this tutorial in brief. Please feel free to use and share it.

So hope you enjoyed this tutorial I’m planning to make some more and my next one will be on other ways to use plastic. And I also will do tutorials to recycle paper and glass, alongside growing vegetables from the leftover scraps. Let me know in the comments how you get on with your planters.

Creating a bedtime routine

When the clock struck midnight on 2017 I decided to not make a New Years resolution. In fact at the time I was probably drinking a glass of bubbly and wishing I was in bed already 😂. I decided that this year I would focus on my physical health, which as you may know, is problematic. Instead of overwhelming myself I decided that each month I would set one focus to work on. For the first two months l’ve done Veganuary, and tracked my water intake.

For March the focus was sleep and here’s what I learned by tracking and focusing on it.

Medication

In 2016 I wasn’t sleeping for more than 3 to 4 hours a night due to pain and mental health. Being that sleep deprived does bad things to your wellbeing and even worse things to a body coping with autoimmune. When I went into crisis I was prescribed quetiapine which was great as it knocked me out and calmed the mind. The pay off was sleeping ten hours, not being able to wake up, and being in a constant fog. I’ve had huge meds changes over the past 3 months and dropped down in dosage on tablets that help sleep. This means I’m sleeping less but naturally so this focus has really helped me focus on natural sleep.

Undisturbed sleep

So one of my worst habits is waking up at 3am and staying awake till 7.30 am. When you then want to be up by 9 this is no good. I often need to wee in the night and have a terrible dry and painful mouth. This combined with pain in my knees and ankles due to Behcets, or bursitis on my hips that creates painsomnia, means I just couldn’t get 8 hours sleep. The meds above helped but without them I am the most restless sleeper.

Waking up

So I always aim for the average 8 hours to get up around at about 8am daily. I’d usually use the iPhone bedtime alarm on the clock app but often I wouldn’t fall asleep in time, or I’d not feel refreshed from sleep when I did. I have restless legs syndrome so would find I couldn’t get off to sleep in time. I also used my Fitbit this month to track my sleep and found that my sleep was so restless. Not really a surprise, as I mentioned above, my sleep is so disturbed. But I also realised I wasn’t helping myself as when I woke up I would be tempted to watch something on the iPad to help me get back to sleep but it was doing the reverse.

So after all this trying to focus on the problems I’ve decided to try a different approach. I wanted to make a change to the way I get ready for bed so that I set myself up for a good nights sleep and feel more in control of the individual elements. So I created a bedtime routine and thought I’d share it with you.

Making your own personalised routine

So the first thing I did was to pick a bedtime. I chose 11pm so I could aim to wake up at 7.30am ish. Then I worked back in half an hour blocks to create a plan.

10.30 pm

As this is the bit right before bed so you want to be winding down. Take these moments for a last minute tidy, but nothing rushed or intense. Turn your bedroom back into a tidy sanctuary. I put my clothes in the laundry bin and make sure everything is hung back in into place. My clothes are sorted Marie Kondo style so it’s great to keep it this way. I also tidy away any beauty products and clutter from the day. It’s here I take my bedtime meds and then hop/ into bed with a podcast playing. Oh and I found the best thing for right before you settle down, a pillow spray by Feather and Down that helps you get off to sleep. It makes me breathe deeply to inhale the incredible scent which helps with relaxing. Set up your beside table to make this easier.

10pm

I chose this time to try to empty my head. I try to keep it simple and uncomplicated. In true bullet journal style spill your mind out onto a piece of paper > check your journal > make a to do list for the next day > fill in any habit trackers and memories/ gratitude journals. Finally I pack my bag with any books or letters and post needed for the next day. Set up a place to keep your things for the morning including a charging station for your phone and battery packs etc.

9.30pm

Stretch and move. I find a last bit of activity before bed helps to firstly make you feel like your body is tired and secondly helps hugely with restless legs later on. I love yoga with Adriene.

9pmScreen free time! Try as much as possible to cut out your screen during your routine. This is the hardest thing for me to do but it is well known that the blue light affects both our health and sleep patterns so I’m trying really hard. To force me off I use the app Moment. This sets bot a daily limit and screen free time. Try to do something enjoyable in place of your phone so you don’t get tempted. Like reading a chapter of that book you’ve not got round to, or grab that colouring book you were given in 2015 and never completed.

8.30pm

Begin the wind down with a little self care. Take your bath now, I like mine scalding hot so I can feel my heartbeat and my skin turns red. Apparently by raising your temperature in the bath it then lowers your body temperature when you get out and makes you sleepy. If you don’t fancy a bath or don’t have time make sure you take your makeup off earlier in the evening so you’re not too tired and give up when you crash into bed later. I’m also trying to get into the habit of getting my clothes out for the morning, the night before so I don’t have to bother in the morning. I use the Cladwell app to help pick outfits.

So that’s my routine. It’s ambitious I know but I’m dipping into it to begin with. I always go for the slowly, slowly habit learning approach. So maybe pick one of the things to do for a week. Feel free to make it your own and find what works for you. I’d love to hear about your bedtime routines in the comments.

People are rubbish. A guide to reducing personal waste.

We really are, we create nothing but waste. First of all pop over to People are Rubbish on Instagram to see just how bad we are! Rubbish tells a story, one in which we are the villains…

Last year I began ‘slow living’ with the goal of simplifying life, buying less and better quality. As an extension of this I began a personal war on waste. Then just before the new year the BBC’s series Blue Planet was released and the fish swimming in our plastic waste broke our hearts. If you missed it you should watch it here.

It is very clear we have to make a change to the way in which we live and consume. When even a Tory PM declares a need for drastic change on an environmental issue there must be a crisis. “May’s speech, unveiling a much-heralded 25-year plan for the environment in England drawn up by Michael Gove’s environment department with input from pressure groups, focused heavily on plastic waste, which she called “one of the great environmental scourges of our time”. https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2018/jan/10/theresa-may-proposes-plastic-free-supermarket-aisles-in-green-strategy

I don’t want to waste time here giving any more reasons to change. But if you need one watch this turtle mama.

Ok, ok statistics and preaching over. What we need to do is take personal responsibility and make changes now. I am going to share with you a few easy starters that I’ve found have worked to help you get started.

Clothing

Step one is to fall in love with what you already have in your closet. Make a capsule wardrobe thatl works and go with it.

As you may have seen in a previous blog post I’ve been using the Cladwell app. You basically create your wardrobe from a combination of their items and uploading your own. From this is gives you a choice of daily outfits. Sign up to cladwell here. Use the code wolfatmydoor.

If you do need to buy something it has a great section to recommend what to buy to fit in with the clothes you already have. Over the last year I have strived to buy less and invested in pieces from quality and ethical brands such as People Tree. Their prices cost slightly more but it’s worth it. Their fair trade organic clothing is ethical and beautifully made and oh yeah it lasts.

After a month or two you have a good Marie Kondo style clear out. You are left with items you actually wear. Here are three easy things you can do with the clothes you decide to part with instead of filling landfill:

  • Sell good items on your local Facebook sites. Just click the marketplace button on the app and snap your clothes for some extra cash
  • Dye existing clothes to refresh them or create something new Dylon does an excellent washing machine dye in a pot with everything included
  • Use the fabrics to create something new. I’ve cut up t-shirts to make macrame plant hangers or draft excluders. Check out my Pinterest board for ideas

Personal care

Ok so my favourite find this year is Who Gives a Crap toilet paper.

I love everything about them. They are wrapped in beautiful PAPER wrapping so zero plastic. They’re made of good stuff and they raise millions for Water Aid. Oh and you can subscribe to a delivery so you never run out. It comes in a big cardboard box so you need to store it. Buying like this saves money too and it’s cheaper then buying at the supermarket. Want more money off? Here’s a fiver to spend with them.

I also invested in a Tulip cup to stop using tampons and pads. Let me know if you are going to order as I have an offer for a free gift.

There’s loads of small things you can do like swapping from detergent to washing eggs. Get yourself some old fashioned washable handkerchiefs instead of using packet tissues. And lastly I’ve changed to bamboo toothbrushes to save on plastic. You can purchase them on amazon.

Food and Drink

Coffee cups have been hot in the press this week with a tax on disposable cups being introduced. You can pop into most bargain stores and grab a reusable cup to take out your coffee from kitchen to car. Even better invest in a slightly more fancy KeepCup cup. You can get a super fancy cup from them. You can even design your own and buy one of their reusable straws. If you sign up to an account you can get 15% off your first order with them by using the code uksubscribe15

Another tip for the kitchen is to start using glass and Silicone products. Jars are fab for storing stuff and free if you re use jars you get with other products. Silicone is great for all sorts of products such as baking tray liners to replace tinfoil.

Finally the war on supermarkets. First of all there’s some great ideas like having plastic free aisles. You can put pressure on supermarkets and the government by signing this petition.

Supermarkets are not doing enough. I got my Tesco delivery this week and asked for no bags. I ordered all loose fruit and veg to avoid all the plastic. I also love their paper veg bags as they fit the compost bin perfectly. I was so frustrated to find the entire order full of those tiny plastic bags you get on the produce aisles! They’re so tiny and thin they’re not even reusable. Come on Tesco use your brain, no bags means NO BAGS. I just found out that my local farmers market is very local so I’m turning off my delivery subscription and changing my shop, sorry Tesco.

So that’s where I’m up to with my own war. Next on the list are:

  1. Shopping bags and making my own cloth bags for veg items.🥕🍅🥑
  2. Beauty products – recommendations please 💄💋
  3. Medications – this really bothers me as it creates a ton of waste each month. I don’t have a solution do you?💊💊💊
  4. Nespresso pods – I am a Nespresso junkie. They get me through the day but the waste is bothersome. Nespresso recycle their own pods but I don’t often get them as they are so expensive. Anyone got any ideas on other brand pods?☕️☕️

I hope you enjoyed reading my guide. Please remember to say hello and share your war on waste ideas below.

To find out more on reducing waste visit http://www.goingzerowaste.com

All opinions are my own. None of these are paid recommendations but genuine reviews with money off, where I could find it, to help you out.

Anxiety girl

Hello anxiety that is making angry, scared and unsociable. Where are you coming from? I know I’ve accidentally missed some important meds and some sleep. I’ve worked quite hard volunteering, and it’s been Christmas, the most anxiety ridden time of the year. But clearly I’m a bad person who can’t manage myself.

I’ve got constant butterflies and I’m trying to do all the things to tell the negative thoughts to go away. But the voice gets stronger and I hear people talking about me and criticising as though they are in the room. I ignore it and carry on but it just gets louder.

Yesterday I didn’t have any sleep because I missed my meds the night before. The meds are the only way I sleep and without them it’s a nightmare of pain and bad thoughts and being fidgety. This combined with a migraine knocked me for six. I tried to take control of it but when the migraine kicked in I crumbled. I ploughed on and went to the cinema with my friends. I fed the migraine with darkness, drugs and caffeine. Eventually the pain subsided and only the tension remained. I felt exhausted and emotional and anything slightly negative made me catastrophise. I couldn’t talk to anyone and was convinced I just pissed everyone off. The wall went up and I teetered with a meltdown.

So I pulled my socks up and went to the pharmacy to get some emergency meds. I did my research and the Nhs website said to try your doctor (they were shut), then your pharmacy, then a walk in centre. I walked to the pharmacy in pain from swollen joints to be met with a pharmacist shaking her head. Instantly she dismissed me and told me she couldn’t help. I pleaded with her that I’d read the Nhs website and this is what it told me to do. She suddenly changed her story and said she could do it if I rang 111 for an emergency script. ‘Are you sure?’ I replied, the Nhs advice didn’t say this at all. But facing another day of suicidal thoughts and crippling anxiety was too much so I complied. ‘If they don’t get you one I’ll do it’ she said ‘but you have to try first’.

Half an hour later I was still sat in Boots. My migraine was returning and I was sat on hold to 111. The bright strip lighting flickered and pounded. I started to feel ridiculously hot and sweat soaked my clothes. My pain meds we’re wearing off. My knees, fingers, ankles, hips and back were screaming. I know I was beginning to fall over fast.

So we begged the pharmacy for somewhere quiet to sit. A super nice pharmacy assistant found us a small room and we sat with the lights off and a fan on. They asked if I wanted to go to hospital. No way Jose was I going just for meds, and a migraine, joint pain and anxiety. I agreed I would if I started vomiting , shaking or fitting.’ I explained that the best thing would be the just get home to bed. The pharmacist then changed her tact and said she’d only accept the 111 prescription and I’d need to go elsewhere if I didn’t get it in time. The inconsistency was a nightmare for my anxiety and I’d been there before to get them so was on their system. I had a bundle of paperwork to prove I was on them but it was a case of ‘computer says no.’ It was as though she was making it as difficult as possible and I was just annoying them.

The assistant, however, was wonderful and we chatted about mental health and chronic illnesses. I began to calm down and eventually spoke to 111 who said they’d get a doctor on it. We then went round in circles for the next 2.5 hours. 111 kept asking if I wanted to go to hospital as my symptoms were alarming. I didn’t want to go, the best place for me was home if only someone would give me the meds I’d manage what I’d manage everyday. I felt like a dick that caused a drama as eventually they tried to get rid of me from the pharmacy and ask me to start the whole thing again with another pharmacy. I felt like a burden and just wanted my bed.

After 3 hours, countless phone calls and giving my details over and over the prescription still hadn’t arrived. The doctor I spoke to was convinced I lived in Norwich. Erm no I said I live in Canterbury and had done for 17 years. I think I went to Norwich once about 12 years ago, it was dark and wet and I didn’t even see the town. So he continued to ask if I was visiting Canterbury. No I explained again, I live here, just like I’d told the two advisers I spoke to. He writes the prescription. Turn forward an hour and the script hasn’t arrived and so I ring them back. Im now in a flap that the store shuts in 15 minutes and I’ve sat here for no reason doing everything everyone is telling me to. I’m trying really hard to sit and be patient despite it making my pain worse. Speaking to the East Kent (not Norfolk) team again I will us to be near the end of the whole sham. Then I was told my surgery was Aldington . Nope I said I’ve given you my details 3 times it’s Chartham, perhaps Aldington is in Norfolk, I suggested!?

Anyway 10 minutes before closing the fax arrived and I was given 6 tablets in a bag by a rude and unsympathetic pharmacist. Lack of pain control and anxiety through the roof I’m a mess, I’ve convinced myself she hates me, all the staff have been talking about me and I never should have said I went to the cinema to hide from the light. I’m not sure who was judging me more, them or myself?

By this point every look, word and action becomes overwhelming. I’d tried to plan a nice New Years Eve with a cocktail menu and funny description bit that means everyone who was coming was included. My friend had rejected it by saying she’d only drink her own cocktail on the list. I knew her reasons were ok, she wanted to stick with one drink to not get too hungover etc. But in this mindset it’s rejection. The menu, lovingly made by me for everyone, went straight in the bin as soon as I got in. I felt as though I’d tried to make a nice gesture then been told I was controlling or had bad taste/ ideas. I was ready to give up and go to sleep and sulk.

Somehow in that moment I managed to pull myself out of it. I put on my dress and lipstick and found some inner strength to have a good night. I rebuffed the negativity and overwhelming thoughts and for the most of it laughed and had a genuinely good time. It didn’t mean I wasn’t squashing the ‘they all hate you’ voice constantly, but as dramatic as it sounds I survived another New Years! I’m proud of myself despite being exhausted because I won a battle.

This morning I’ve woken up with the butterflies. It’s the alcohol I drank acting as a depressant, I tell myself. It’s because you’re ill and tired. I start to work a little on a project I volunteered on. I poured everything I had into it but I feel like a failure. Every time I try to make something happen on it there’s obstacles, politics and I do the wrong thing. Now I’m utterly terrified of the meeting tomorrow and that I’ll be belittled. I can hear the conversations that are going on behind my back and I feel sick with butterflies. But it’s just another day that I’ll get through somehow.

I am anxiety girl and I think I’ve realised at the moment I’m not at my most well. So bear with me, I’m fighting it and it will be ok but I may be a little fragile.

As an after thought. Just like the meme says above I have 99 problems and 86 are in my head. If I’m working with you at the moment, or have been around you it’s more likely my sensitivity and brain than anything that’s real. Chronic worrier here gets all sorts muddled. I’m also excellent at hiding it all, even from myself.

Capsule my life

As a spoonie I waste so much flipping time staring (hopelessly?) into my closet every day. I’m too tired to see all the clothes and too tired to rummage. I don’t have a whole lot of money so cant afford new things.

I often don’t want to wear things because they hurt my skin or make me uncomfortable. I can’t get rid of them because they look so lovely. 

As you know I love an app so when I found Cladwell I thought I’d give it a whirl as it could just reclaim the spoon of energy spent in front of the wardrobe each morning.

They say: Get daily outfit recommendations, track your outfits, discover the right items, and buy fewer things, all without taking a single photo.

I say: The uploading and choosing wardrobe items was a huge task, I’m not going to lie. I had to get help. But I was determined and did it! Apparently I have a lot of clothes. 118 items including shoes. So I googled the average and some site somewhere told me the average for a woman is 103. So I’m not doing too badly hey? Just a little over average…

They say: What To Wear. Every day, Outfits for iOS will send you outfit ideas based on what you currently own, what the weather is like, and how often you wear an item. Swipe through the options, and log one for the day.

I say: Since starting I’ve really enjoyed the outfits its chosen everyday. You still get a choice and can swap items in and out. Everyday I’ve worn something weather appropriate. I’ve worn new combos of clothes that I’ve never previously paired. In fact I have 11,000+ combos to try. Maybe my wardrobe is on the large side…

They say: What To Keep. Outfits for iOS keeps track of the items you wear the most, so you can treasure what you love, and get rid of what you don’t. Feel great about cutting the clutter while looking great.

I say: So yes the app costs money after the free trial but I hope to be wearing my existing wardrobe lots more, being excited about old clothes and seeing them as new. This fits my slow living goal perfectly. I already wore a pair of boots that I haven’t put on for over 5 years but can’t part with. I’m hoping I wont be spending on clothes for a while so lets see if it saves money. I also hope at the end of it to reduce my wardrobe by seeing what I don’t actually wear. and maybe sell a few items on.

 

 

They say: What To Add. Don’t go shopping without a plan. Before you visit your favorite stores, Outfits for iOS shows you which types of items go best with the clothes you already own. Cladwell doesn’t sell clothes. We help you buy better stuff, and less of it.

I say: we’ll see!

In the meantime heres my link so you can get a free trial

Click the monthly subscription and put wolfatmydoor in the promo code section.

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