I will always believe in you. This whole experience has shown how deeply I will always love and care for you. That will never ever go and underneath it all you have the potential to be a very good human being. I know this because that’s who I gave all of me too, so deeply, and trusted with every fibre of my being. Being stripped of that power and humiliated has broken me beyond. I think about you every second and it is still all unbearable. But I can also see how there is more than this. I’ve died with every attempt to end it and have been painfully reborn into a crueler world.
I know how imperfect I am but I never gave up. Please never take someone’s power away from them ever again. However you feel a relationship is the trust and kindness between two people willing to work at it. I’m not trying to preach just give my understanding of the world. Hold your head high and go do good things.
You killed something good but there is no turning back of time. I will have the scars of this for a very long time and find trusting people very, very hard. That is the result of working at something imperfect and true love. It is the result of sacrificing yourself for someone else and taking every risk. I guess I am lucky to see this and experience it for the short while I did. I will foolishly always remember that boy who went on the greatest adventure with me.
Go make some good for us all. xxxxx
I’ve cried more than I knew possible today for a life lost to break up and chronic illness. I’m still me, imperfect and impulsive, manic and sad. I’ve felt like someone else listening to all the conversations I’ve had. I am wise and naive all in one go.
Now is the time to acknowledge this grief and work with it. Someday’s being strong and others falling apart. I’ve been given the gift to slow down and enjoy this world at a different pace. I’ve been shown friends I never knew I had and started to find something in myself I can believe in.
I’m still me in my little house, baking and cuddling my dogs and cat. I’m still lazy and energetic in fits and starts. I still see beauty in everything and everyone. I still have my sixth sense and intuition that guides me though I’ve doubted it recently. I’ll still overshare and overthink and care too much what others think. Most of these won’t change but I will a little everyday.
Now I can dare to love myself and see that I can do everything I did for us for myself.
So much change and so much the same. Keep being the strong, out spoken, fierce and bossy, fearless and frightened girl you’ve always been. xxxx