I climbed higher and higher,
The air grew thinner and thinner,
Head spinning, chest groaning, heart bruised.
I tripped once or twice,
I’m sure my keys fell out in the night,
It was the longest day but still it’s dark.
We dined on food that looked as though it were made for gods,
It tasted sweet and hollow, we laughed,
The joke was on us, sickly and open.
I slept, napped, curled in a ball.
I woke and all the triumph shattered.
I knew once again what the last words were.
I practiced words across the bough,
I worked on self restraint.
Underneath I hated myself so much it let me love you.
The moon couldn’t wash it away,
My companions stared into my soul,
I’m sorry I whispered, I am.
The brass and beat reached the most it ever would,
I ruined the moment chatting about books in a portaloo.
I laughed when you slipped in the mud.
I fight the war you started,
I always saved you, you should have gone, I’m too far,
I’ve climbed out of reach and feeling wrong.
I am washed raw by the moon,
A storm rages in the morning light,
And I’ve got nobody on my side.
One rejection too many,
Why can’t anyone see I’ll never find my way?
From this moment I am lost.
Sunday is so far away,
All hammers and cursed mistakes.
I crawl on knees bloodied by moods.
I reached up one more precipice,
My hands are weak and cold on their own,
The nails ripped as short as you’d bite yours.
I love that hand, perfectly imperfect,
It could comfort when your being dished out pain.
Just scraps of memories, I can’t tell whats real.
I lit a candle to shield the shape shifters,
they spit vinegar into my ear,
I watch it burn away, the world long gone.
I close my eyes, I see all the mistakes,
I try to be wise, but I’m always learning.
See me at my weakest always.
I numb the pain till I cannot see,
Vomit rises in my mouth,
Something rushes in my ears, I cannot hear.
Are you feeling better now?
I don’t know, I stumble, I fall,
Over and over the way I came.
Sticks and stones break my bones,
Your words rip my skin,
It’s over, and over, it’s over.
This bit I can only do alone.