The past few days are the biggest rollercoaster. I’ve laughed and cried with people all week and discovered that I maybe a ‘good’ person. I’m finding that bit hard still. I realise how much I am still learning and unlearning. The boat has been nudged in a slightly different direction and though I’m still me it’s moving somewhere slightly different.

I have more love and thanks and respect than in humanly possible for strangers who have shown me nothing but kindness. Friends for life even if we never meet again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You know who you are if you read this, as I hope you will.

I still don’t feel at all well and last night almost wobbled off this world but I I know there is more and the light that was so painfully snubbed out recently is returning.

Walking up the hill tonight,
When you have closed your eyes.
I wish I didn’t have to make all those mistakes, and be wise.
Please try to be patient, and know that I’m still learning.
I’m sorry that you have to see the strength inside me burning.

Where are you, my angel now?
Don’t you see me crying?
And I know that you can’t do it all!
But you can’t say I’m not trying.
I’m on my knees in front of him!
But he doesn’t seem to see me.
With all his troubles on his mind, he’s looking right through me.
And I’m letting myself down beside this fire in you!
And I wished that you could see I have my troubles too!

Looking at you sleeping,
I’m with a man I know.
I’m sitting here weeping, while the hours pass so slow.

And I know that in the morning, I have to let you go.
And you’ll be just a man once I used know.
For these past few days someone I don’t recognize.
This isn’t all my fault!
When will you realize.