Well I’ve chatted a lot about the negativity of chronic illness, I’ve also searched hard for the positive.
Recently I’ve managed to find myself in crisis, one of those moments when it never rains but pours. I made a list of ‘losts’:
- My health
- My work
- My heart
- My home
Pretty huge things and I don’t have much left. But to reexamine the list, stop and breathe has truly been insightful. Despite my stubbornness I’ve been forced to halt and reassess.
My health I do less things and a slower pace. These are things that I enjoy.
My work I transfer my skills to find something that fits with the above. Work is about love not money.
My heart It’s about time I stop letting others destroy me and love myself. In turn I make room for good people.
My home I simplify my home and living to make it work for me and love everything within it
So I welcoming ‘The Art Of Slow’ whatever this means! I’m discovering it day by day as a personal journey. Adapting to the seasons and the needs of each day as it comes. Savouring moments and building them into something special.
To start off I’m going to do a few of these 25 suggestions to savour November
Thank you chronic illness, you gave me the gift of slow…
Today my teeth are too sharp.
They’re not mine,
But belong to another mouth.
Today my tongue is too big.
Lacerated and torn,
It betrays my mouth.
Today my saliva is too much.
It fills and swallows,
Never does it wet my mouth.
Today my words are sore,
They are all in defence.
They betray my being.
Magpied images: Illustrations by Губы. Карандашные наброски Christo Dagorov
Today’s post is more of a diary entry. It’s a big test day to try to get back to some kind of normality and spend time on my own. It began with a sleep over at my dear friend Beth’s house where I was spoiled by having dinner cooked, playing with all the toys and coffee in bed!
It was followed by a meeting at the council to get my benefits in place. Easy peasy, and followed up with a quick coffee and toast before returning home. I made a few candles for an order I have on. I was exhausted already so I napped and watched crap TV and tried the anxiety meds in the daytime. I usually take them at night to help me sleep so this was another test.
The next thing I knew I was woken up to Emma knocking on the door. She whisked me away to the next meeting with the community mental health team. A bit of a waste of time in terms of help and info but at least I know where it is! Plus I got to spend time with Emma in the car chatting (one of my favourite things).
So home again to a bath, dinner and more candles. I’ve started to read Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying. Not sure what to think yet as its a lot about how fantastic the technique is but little about the actual doing, I love the idea of being ruthless though. Purge here I come.
I’ve also been keeping a gratitude diary. The three things I’m grateful for today are:
- Friends as they have literally saved my life and continue to make me smile
- My cat ‘Little Bear’ who has been at my side all day