Let’s Pretend…

Do you ever think we are just playing at life? Being different characters in some elaborate story?

I don’t really know where I’m going with this post because it’s mostly rambling thoughts! Maybe it’s being in theatre that I always see people as playing parts in their everyday life. Of course there’s  Shakespeare’s famous passage from As You Like It...

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And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages. At first, the infant, Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.

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It hints that our lives are predestined, and in terms of ageing they are I guess. But when do we become these stereotypes and copies of our own parents? Just now I overheard my sister’s husband asking her ‘did you find the gravy boat?’. It made me smile, I wonder if he rewound ten years to uni he’d imagine ever uttering this phrase? Then I realised I don’t have a gravy boat, does that mean I’m not an adult yet!?

If we are characters can we choose the parts we play or the dialogues we speak, or do we say certain phrases just 4d2eef3c2201ad1d82e0ce3043a006c8to conform? This is partially true with the relationships we have with others. I’m a people watcher and listener and love to eavesdrop. Over the past few weeks I’ve had 3 hospital visits in which there has been an enormous amount of time to observe. It’s interesting watching the dialogue between patients and health professionals. Sometimes it seemed as though they’re having two entirely different conversations. The doctors hone in and focus on individual areas of the body or conditions. They narrow down and diagnose and defend their decisions from the get go. Maybe this is because the NHS has a focus on cuts and blame and its created fear and narrow practice? But what these conversations do are damaging, they create a dialogue in which the patient feels it’s their right to be healed and the doctor is constantly defending the attack. Neither lead to comfort or healing or 4db5a8f3a5b0b85573115a9dc7cfdd59treating someone as a human. Whilst watching I almost wanted to jump in and direct them like actors to resolve the conflict. It’s even more scary when you find yourself in the same conversations despite having seen them happen five minutes before and promising you wouldn’t. The way we are spoken to lures us in without realising and takes real effort to remove ourselves..

If we can change our dialogues can we then we change our relationships and outcomes? I’m a great believer in the fact we cant change others, only ourselves. Sometimes its good to examine how we speak 39a826434d0482e19e4b342e6b265ec9with others and shift our relationships to something that works better.

More importantly, I think,  it’s how we speak to ourselves that seems so vital. Our inner dialogue is with us every second of the day so if it’s in conflict or defensive it leads us to dangerous places. CBT has helped me recognise this and although its not an instant cure it makes us aware of catching those thoughts that are damaging. Also being able to see the positive lifts changes our gear and puts us in a better place.

Positive thinking is not an easy task to do, especially when drowning in negative thoughts. But the rule of attraction is strong and we can 0ae880eb77832884e8a19c3e3f357953certainly influence our paths by changing our thinking patterns. I love trying exercises and activities that help with this. I like Tiny Buddha’s 10 Tips to Overcome Negative Thoughts

Then there are the times that everything seems totally out of our control. I often wonder about things being predestined. My life has been a roller
coaster of events and emotions. Without being dramatic I’m sure that I’ve endured more than the average person. Sometimes I find myself wondering if it’s something written out for me or some kind of karma. These thoughts happen 81576b699d8a8a514f8f9c01113dfb10especially when I’m down on myself. I genuinely believed that I had a Christmas curse in the past. Just ask anyone who knows me well and they’ll confirm it.

e5c9e117e8a4050b05a4c1d031710423Since being really young I also used to fantasise about being part of a conspiracy. I used to lie on my back and l9979724392b6d1da5b80638e18b720c4ook into the blue sky. Somehow looking into the brightness meant that I could see these little circles that I assume were the shape
of my pupil and iris. In my head they were eyes of bigger beings watching me, not threateningly but there watching my life go by or having a say. I know this sounds a little odd but I guess it’s part of figuring out the world. When years later I finally saw the Truman Show it played on my mind for years days. Even now I get flashes of thinking I’m being watched or there’s cameras everywhere. I did giggle when I discovered it was an actual condition. Not that I need another diagnosis but I’m sure I’m borderline Truman Syndrome

So in conclusion its seems like some of life we can control and other things happen and we can choose how to react. I’m not sure if any is predestined but I can’t think of a better way to say how to manage it than this:

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Parenting Yourself

So the last few weeks have been living in crisis. Caused by pain, mental health, relationships, work and income. All at once, in one big lump. Pow, taken out by the world!

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3 emergency hospital trips, 1 breakdown, 1 job lost, 1 relationship ended… It’s so easy to get swallowed into the negative and not see the positive. But the positive moments have been about the friends I have and love dearly.

What it has done is made for a very interesting discussions about life. It’s been useful to surround myself wth my friends and those who have been in the same place.

Today’s post is dedicated to Helen who has been amazing. Having been through the same shit she’s been one of the most resilient people I know. Oh and she’s a reflexologist too. I cannot recommend her enough for any kind of healing!

12068846_939860746086783_403464652320274183_oHer Facebook is here, and website is here

A few of her wise words include:

“So the world currently feels like a very scary, lonely & overwhelming place yeah. It’s all shit, there’s no-one you can rely on and you’ve just not got any more energy to keep fighting it all 😭

I’m not in your head but I can recognise it: I mean, when even your own fucking body seems to hate you what’s the point eh FFS!

But there is a point. It’s horrific right now & you prob can’t see any light.  Let me reassure you, there is a light. It’s called resilience, a strength you didn’t know you had, friends & vague contacts that will step up & help you find a path where you didn’t know there was one. It’s chaos, but out of the storm there’s new horizons, ones you’d never dreamt of before.

I’m not saying it’s easy, that’d be a lie. Trust me Vicki, it’s an ending but also a new beginning. It hurts like fuck. That hurt eventually turns into the determination your new self will rely on. Among my closest friends we no longer call it a ‘breakdown’ but a ‘breakthrough’ because in order to be true to ourselves the pain has to be faced & the old patterns need to be broken.

People don’t understand what it’s like living in pain every damn day. For doing that in itself , AND continuing to work as long as you have, you have a strength that most do not. Be proud you’ve made it this far. And with or without a bloke, your journey is only just beginning.”

These words were my solace in my darkest moment. They became a mantra to cling to. I love the idea that when in crisis experiencing a breakthrough rather than a breakdown. Maybe my list should look like this:

3 emergency hospital trips signs that I need to ask for help with my conditions, 1 breakdown breakthrough, 1 job lost assessment of my career, 1 relationship ended  6 close friendships formed and countless true friendships beginning … It’s so easy to get swallowed into the negative and not see the positive. But the positive moments have been about the friends I have and love dearly.

Today in our feet pampering session we discussed parenting. She suggested writing down all the things we want from our parents (theoretical ones if you are reading this mum and dad). Then you cross out parents and make it a list for how you want to treat your self. So here is goes…

I want my parents to be I want myself to be:

  • Supportive
  • Non judgemental
  • Not to know best for me but accept I know this
  • Kind
  • To listen without an answer
  • At the end of the phone
  • Strong
  • Not pull me into their dramas!
  • Not to take on my illness as something they’ve done or passed on
  • Trust me

Well that was a lot of writing and self led therapy for one day, I’m off to bake a cake!

Digital Life | A Guide to Healthy Apps

I spend A LOT of time connected to devices. In fact I’m rarely disconnected and even find it hard to sleep at night without a film or podcast on. I always want to do a bit of a digital detox but fail miserably. Looking at it in a different way though there are lots of apps, and games out there that are amazing. I thought I’d share my faves:

Pacifica | A CBT app for catching those thoughts

slides-moodWhat They Say:

MANAGE STRESS. LIVE HAPPIER. Daily tools for stress and anxiety alongside a supportive community. Based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy & Meditation.Learn to identify and correct distorted thinking patterns.

What I think:

Pros: This is the most user-friendly and easy to use CBT app I have come across. Having explored CBT in ‘real life’ I have found it easy to continue to use these techniques within this app. My favourite bit is the Thought Tracker which enables you to capture your thoughts, then explore behaviours such as ‘fortune telling’ or ‘mind-reading’ (two of my habits). It then gives you the chance to turn these thoughts around to balance them. It also has a voice recording capability which I haven’t yet tried out.

Cons: I’m not sure how this would be for someone who was completely new to CBT. I love it because I understand all the terms. I also feel the loss of someone human or a trained professional to guide you. They often will pick up on issues within your responses to thoughts and catch those places where you are still being negative. It’s a useful tool but not a replacement for real therapy.

Breathe | Mindfulness with achievement badges

What they say:

GET MEDITATING IN 5 MINUTES. EASY.With this app, you can develop and apply kindness and compassion in your daily life through a process called STOP, BREATHE & THINK.

STOP | Stop what you are doing. Check in with what you are thinking, and how you are feeling.

BREATHE | Practice mindful breathing to create space between your thoughts, emotions and reactions.

THINK | Learn to broaden your perspective and strengthen your force field of peace and calm by practicing one of the meditations.top-slide-1536.png

What I think:

Pros: I loved this app instantly on appearance and for the ease of use. The best thing is closing your eyes for ten seconds and scanning your body and mind. It then recommends you different meditations depending on your current metal and physical state. I also love the badges as rewards and have even woken up early to get the early bird one.

Cons: My only issue is that I seem to get the same meditations all the time which gets repetitive and puts me off.

Never Alone | Truly demonstrating the potential of games to create learning 

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What they say:

Never Alone (Kisima Ingitchuna) is the first game developed in collaboration with the Iñupiat, an Alaska Native people. Nearly 40 Alaska Native elders, storytellers and community members contributed to the development of the game. Play as a young Iñupiat girl and an arctic fox as they set out to find the source of the eternal blizzard which threatens the survival of everything they have ever known.

What I think:

This game is utterly beautiful. It demonstrates the power and potential that video games have as an interactive learning tool. The storytelling is powerful, the game is absorbing and there’s a documentary thrown in there too. So far I haven’t found a con!

I’m also glad that the world is waking up to the potential of video games. They are not all unsociable and violent, but provide a creative and interactive platform for learning. TED talks have plenty of debate on this here.

My Pain Diary| a comprehensive diary to keep track of chronic illness

mpdiconWhat they say: CHRONIC PAIN & SYMPTOM TRACKER. Track one or more chronic pain conditions and keep your entries organized with Color Flags.

What I think:

Pros: This is a nice app with lots of detail. You first of all identify the type of pain or condition you have then add details. This includes adding photos, triggers, symptoms and even the weather. It’s helpful for me because you can download a report to take to the doctors or rheumatologist.

Cons: It takes quite a while to set up all the tabs for different conditions and options.

Daily Yoga | Easy to follow, high quality yoga routines

part2-bg.pngWhat they say:

The world’s most dedicated yoga app – fitness on the go!

What I think:

Pros: The routines are easy to follow with both written, spoken and image based instructions. Theres a wide variety of routines even on the free app.

Cons: If your workout gets interrupted mid session, for example a low battery, I cannot see a way to restart where you left off.

 

Headspace | Techniques and meditations to heal the soul 

What they say:

GET SOME HEADSPACE | Headspace is meditation made simple. Learn online, when you want, wherever you are, in just 10 minutes a day.

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What I think:

Pros: Like Breathe this is another great looking app with lovely design. The 10 day plan is easy to follow and a good starting point. Theres lots on the app in the free version to keep you going for a while. I like the fact you can link up with friends as this motivates me.

dfulnessCons: I got a bit bored after a while and felt reluctant to pay for it when there other free trials around. As a general point I love practicing mindfulness but find it difficult to concentrate when very anxious.

So these are my 5 apps or games. Please comment below with ones you love…