Some days/ weeks are a complete right off. I woke up this morning full of joy that I was meeting up with Beth. I moved my head and uh oh, ran straight downstairs to puke. Another migraine, I’m averaging one a week at the moment. My neck was stiff, I felt like I was on a boat at sea, reeling all over. Always in my right eyeball, it felt ready to explode. I looked for a meme to post and found this…
Anyone who knows me will see it bears an uncanny resemblance. So anyway I took Imigram, it didn’t work, so I cancelled my day. I was supposed to be at physio for this very thing, but not today.
All day I’ve puked or slept. All day my dogs have cuddled me. I can’t tell you how thankful I am for their un-judgemental adoration. They know when you’re down and are there for you no matter. My two are naughty but they give so much love.
Recently, when I’ve been in crisis, the RSPCA helped me out big time. They took my two babies and housed them for weeks. Before this, when I got back from staying at my sisters, I was distressed to see that both had lost weight, and Ida had a terrible ear infection. Out of all the break up this was the worst bit, seeing that my pups had been neglected. Nothing makes me more angry. But they still show more love than you’d know and are my shadows.
The RSPCA looked after them whilst I got things together, and into a place of safety. After their stay they were returned to me as beautiful and healthy as I’d left them. They have a scheme which helps families in refuge and they agreed to help me. For this I will be eternally grateful. I have donated to them, though it’s not a lot, I will always be thankful to them. I hope in the future I will be in a position to be a foster carer. In the meantime if you can foster a dog or make a donation please think seriously about doing it.
My thanksgiving today goes out to my pups and the RSPCA.
Right in the middle of my darkest days I created a what’s app group called ‘adventures’. This was the group of people I knew would be willing to keep me occupied and go on adventures big and small. It quickly evolved and became the trusted group to catch me when I fall.
When I had my second overdose, and was out of my tiny skull, I remember my friend whispering in my ear that I must want life because I created this group and they were here to live the adventures with me.
I’ve started to see this time that’s been so cruelly imposed as something different. It’s a time to take stock, slow down and find new and old things to do. In other words go on adventures.
The other day I fancied a bag of crisps so walked the 90 minute round trip to the nearest shop to do it. Before you cry ‘but you can’t walk far with a disability’, I have good days and bad and this was a good. Also not working and being weighed down means I have energy for me. Energy that I use to make myself healthier to withstand the next flare. The next day I was in agony but it was worth it.
I’m living life in slow, at my pace, and at the same time making fun plans. Things I’d really like to do are:
- Write and develop my blog
- Write creatively
- Travel as far as my body will let me all over the world
- Go off grid as much as possible
- Bake myself unsad (more on this another time)
- Write a story and get it published
- Learn modern calligraphy
- Learn how to take photos properly
- Do an illustration course
- Learn how to screen print properly
- Ride my bike
- Collaborate with others
Edit 7th November – I forgot to add dance and sing, such a hole ridden brain. It was the reason I started this post. If anyone want to offer me lessons I’ll feed you x
I’m not sure how these things are going to happen as I’m limited by health and my tiny benefits budget. But if anyone out there can help my year of adventures please get in touch. I’d like any advice or support from any of you reading this to make things happen (donations and freebies also welcome). I can repay you in hugs and cake. And I will use all the experiences to be stronger and be able to give back to all those who need it.
I don’t know about you but I’m excited…