Blink and you’ll miss it.

The sun barely shines in the bright cold sky. The cold creeps in every gap and forgotten tuck-in.

The bonfire burns old whilst the smoke writes the memories across the sky. Warming the sun bleached snow as it melts into clear furrows.

The land sighs as it sleeps, turns over, seeing the Sun isn’t shining she goes back to her dreams. The excitement and magic melts away, the only day you wish the sun took leave.

In a day the stream flows. Playing it’s cool melody on the slowly warming rocks. The pond might be frozen but it’s path is too risky to find out.

With fingers wrapped in gloves that make them too cumbersome. Take off the gloves, use your hands briefly before they freeze and become just as clumsy.

The crow carries the sound of winter on its breath, Its black heart never dies.Only chased away by birds of song, shrill and tinkling, dancing in the fragile sun.

All that’s left of the snow is the snagged fleece in brambles; fake snow that sparkles with dew. My fingers bleed on it’s purity as I snatch it from the branches.

Pines that defy the cold breathe their sent into the warming air. Something is afoot, but blink and you’ll miss it.

 

Photography Lesson #1

You may remember that a while ago I asked for people to donate or exchange creative skills with me. I wrote a post all about the adventures I would like to go on. You can read it here.

On Saturday morning I was lucky enough to be offered a beginners lesson in using my camera with Pete Fry.

We got up early, wrapped up warm and headed off to Seasalter. I love the beach in winter with it’s washed out colours. It was a misty morning across the marshland and perfect for some beginner shots.

Pete patiently explained how to use the exposure, shutter speed and ISO on my camera. I just experimented with what worked and what didn’t. How to make changes to get more interesting shots. I still have a lot to learn!

Its just a start but here are my 6 fave shots from the morning.

crisisbreakerscloudsedith-hutgrassesdogs-and-huts

Thanks to Pete for his patience and insights. If you would like to swap or donate me a creative experience please contact me below:

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Adventures 

Right in the middle of my darkest days I created a what’s app group called ‘adventures’. This was the group of people I knew would be willing to keep me occupied and go on adventures big and small. It quickly evolved and became the trusted group to catch me when I fall.

When I had my second overdose, and was out of my tiny skull, I remember my friend whispering in my ear that I must want life because I created this group and they were here to live the adventures with me. 

I’ve started to see this time that’s been so cruelly imposed as something different. It’s a time to take stock, slow down and find new and old things to do. In other words go on adventures. 

The other day I fancied a bag of crisps so walked the 90 minute round trip to the nearest shop to do it. Before you cry ‘but you can’t walk far with a disability’, I have good days and bad and this was a good. Also not working and being weighed down means I have energy for me. Energy that I use to make myself healthier to withstand the next flare. The next day I was in agony but it was worth it.
I’m living life in slow, at my pace, and at the same time making fun plans. Things I’d really like to do are: 

  • Write and develop my blog
  • Write creatively 
  • Travel as far as my body will let me all over the world
  • Go off grid as much as possible 
  • Bake myself unsad (more on this another time)
  • Write a story and get it published
  • Learn modern calligraphy 
  • Learn how to take photos properly
  • Do an illustration course
  • Learn how to screen print properly
  • Ride my bike
  • Read
  • Collaborate with others

Edit 7th November – I forgot to add dance and sing, such a hole ridden brain. It was the reason I started this post. If anyone want to offer me lessons I’ll feed you x

I’m not sure how these things are going to happen as I’m limited by health and my tiny benefits budget. But if anyone out there can help my year of adventures please get in touch. I’d like any advice or support from any of you reading this to make things happen (donations and freebies also welcome). I can repay you in hugs and cake. And I will use all the experiences to be stronger and be able to give back to all those who need it.

I don’t know about you but I’m excited…